Dear Baby | May 2019

Dear Baby,

We have come a long way since I wrote you last. Hundreds of needles, thousands of dollars, countless tears, and I don’t even want to admit the amount of pregnancy tests I’ve taken. I would do it all again in a heartbeat if it meant holding you in my arms. I finally had a dream about that day. If it’s true, you’re going to be the most beautiful little girl. You have tan olive skin, just like us. You have a lot of hair! We were just staring at you in awe while you peacefully slept. It was the first time love at first sight actually meant something to me. I pray every day this dream becomes a reality. It doesn’t matter girl or boy, as long as you are healthy, as long as you are in my arms.

I didn’t truly understand what I was in for when I first wrote you, but I am still grateful for the journey. I am grateful for all of the ups and all of the downs. All of our triumphs and all of our challenges. You gave me a new perspective on life. You’ve taught me a new meaning of patience and kindness. I now have so much compassion and sensitivity to those who have struggled to conceive, to those who are still struggling today, and even more so to those who have lost a child at any point during their journey.

I decided to go public with our story, because I think that is what God intended. After a lot of prayer, and so much thought, I knew it was the right thing to do, and your Dad did too. God knows I have a voice, and I’m not afraid to use it. Our story is going to help someone someday, it’s going to help advocate for couples who deserve financial assistance. It’s going to be a sign of hope. It’s going to give those who need it most the courage to keep going. It’s going to offer comfort to those who feel isolated and lost. Our story, is going to make a difference. I can only hope that someday when you can understand all of this, you will not only be proud, but inspired. Inspired to never give up, to dream big, to always have faith, and to love fearlessly.

My sweet child, there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. I will go to the end of the earth and back.

You have given my life purpose. You have given my life meaning, and for that, I am forever grateful. I love you.

Love always,

Your (still) excited-anxious-scared-BUT SO READY to be (maybe already am) Mommy