My Saint Michael

Michael wasn’t really in a rush to have a baby. He just wanted whatever I wanted. That’s Michael for you. Easy going, and just goes with the flow. We are total opposites in that aspect of life. It’s no secret, Michael’s nickname, provided by the majority of my friends and family, is ‘Saint Michael’ and if I am being honest, the man really is a Saint. I am NOT an easy person to be with, but he loves me effortlessly and unconditionally, and is always doing the smallest of things on the daily to remind me. God is he going to be an amazing father or what?

The night we got home from his Grandmother’s birthday dinner we talked about realistically the best time for us to start a family. We decided our two year wedding anniversary would be a nice time. That was seven months away, and I “thought” I was okay with that. A couple of days later, the domino effect happened. I found out one of my closest girlfriends was pregnant. I was not just liking, but LOVING people’s pregnancy announcements on social media. I would look at the Snapchat pictures and videos of my niece over and over again and find myself daydreaming of what I would dress our kid in, what photos and videos I would take of our baby. I was getting butterflies! OKAY, call the kettle black! That damn bug bit me. Just like ya’ll said it would! It bit me good. There was NO WAY I was waiting another seven months. I took it to Pinterest, because that’s normal (quit judging). Search: What to do when you’re ready to start trying to get pregnant? Paraphrased Answer: Start taking prenatal vitamins, quit smoking (I don’t smoke), slow down alcohol intake (EEEek… That stings), and make your rounds with the doctors. So to all of my annual checkups I went! I went to the dentist, my primary doctor, the dermatologist, and then the biggy… My OBGYN. I told my OB we were ready to start a family. He shared in my excitement and then encouraged me to start taking prenatal vitamins. I was obviously (thanks to Pinterest - See it helps!) already taking them! I pulled the glass bottle out of my purse, “Already on it Doc!” He wished me the best of luck and told me to call him with an update, especially if six months goes by and I’m not pregnant. My initial thought… That’s weird. Why would he say that? Do they all say that? I text my sister in law the news. I WANT A BABY, AND WE’RE GONNA START TRYING! She was the first person I told, and she was so excited for us. I could tell by the newly created board of Baby Info she was tagging me in on a weekly basis: (AGAIN! Pinterest is where it’s at people!) The best fertility foods to eat, what to do, not to do… Overwhelming, but very helpful! I downloaded two apps on my phone so I could gage when I would be ovulating, and I stopped taking my birth control. I was ready to go!

Then I realized how ass backwards I was doing everything. I didn’t even tell Michael that I decided it was ‘go time’ for us. I just assumed it would be an easy conversation. Instead, we ended up in a pretty nasty fight, and I ended up sleeping in the guest room crying myself to sleep. Yes, Mike is easy going, but he is also to the book with certain things. When the plan is in place, he strategizes how to execute it perfectly. I hang things with thumb tacks, he has a hammer, the proper nails, a level… You feel me? In his mind, he had time to detox from his adolescent weed smoking days that managed to linger into some of his adult years. He had time to start taking his one a day vitamins. He had time to get some house projects done. He had time to start drinking more water. There’s that word again… He had time! That’s until I completely blindsided him.

Instead of loving and appreciating Michael for wanting to be the healthiest version of himself prior to bringing a child into this world, I crucified him and made him feel terrible. I blamed him for coming up with excuses. I was confused and angry. I questioned him. Did he really want to start a family? We said a lot of hurtful things to each other that night. We didn’t mean any of it, we were both just scared. This shit is scary! Our lives were about to change… FOREVER! It’s a BIG decision, and Michael knew the decision was made.

Mike wanted a baby, he just wanted more time, and no thanks to me… time was up.