Love, Marriage, What Baby Carriage?

Why do people think it’s okay to ask, “Have you set a date?” Days, sometimes hours after you get engaged? Or if they can bring their kids to your wedding, or even better… Their boyfriend, or girlfriend of two months? And then as soon as you utter the words, “I do,” everyone’s favorite question, or conversation starter… “So when do you think you’ll have kids?” As soon as the baby comes home, you’re trying to balance this brand new life that you’re expected to just know, and people are asking if you’re happy, and if/when you plan on having a second. Let me tell you something... These are the same people who will often be the first to tell you to chill out when they learn you’re on a fertility struggle bus. Like they get it. As if it were that easy. “Don’t think about it. Don’t stress, you’re too stressed.” God, I wish I had a hall pass to slap these know it alls in the face. Life is not stressful. PEOPLE are stressful. I stress out about being stressed out because people are telling me I am stressed out when I am not even stressed! Read that 6 times over. I get anxious over an internal ticking clock because people are constantly making me feel like I am always late to my own life. So let’s all work on our conversation starters, okay? And to all of those I tossed my challenging journey on in less than 2 minutes… I’m not sorry. You deserved it. I hope you processed it. I hope you felt uncomfortable, because I wasn’t ready to tell you. You made me feel like you had the right to know, so I threw it in your face. Now that you know why… I challenge you to find a new conversation starter, preferably something people can benefit from, like “How are you?”

Okay reel it in, Jenn.

Some people just don’t get it, and they never will. Michael and I have been married for 3 years. It’s a fair question to ask. People are curious for us, they are excited for us. I still think it’s a ridiculous question for people to ask us, because if you really know us, you know we want to start a family. So wouldn’t it be easy to put two and two together? Nope. We can’t expect people to understand what we are going through in life, unless we openly put it out there. I only ever put the good stuff out there for people to see. Isn’t that what most of us do? On social media Mike and I look happy. We look like we have it all together. Don’t get me wrong, we are very happy, but we did not and still do not have it all together. I went through a really tough period of time at the beginning of all of this. A time where I felt broken. That’s a tough word to admit about yourself, but when everyone around you keeps posting baby announcements, and back to school pictures of their kids, how else was I supposed to feel? Sure, I didn’t know their story. I didn’t know if they struggled to be where they are today, but I still found myself judging them. I was jealous. When is it my turn? Why do they deserve it more than me? These are the questions I would ask myself, blind to the reality of it all. It’s not about turns, or who deserves it more, but I didn’t understand that then. I felt sorry for myself. I felt alone. As a women you’re created to create, (if you want to) I wanted to, and I couldn’t. It wasn’t working for us, and I blamed myself. Even worse, I bottled those emotions up because I was afraid someone would see what I felt. I would go to doctors appointments and look down because I was afraid someone would recognize me.

If you’re reading this, shaking your head yes, telling yourself you know exactly how I was feeling, because it’s how you’re feeling right now, then please allow me to offer you this blunt reality check: That girl that just walked into the office, is going through the SAME DAMN THING you are! Maybe even worse. There is no right or wrong way to process this experience. You can continue to keep quiet and feel alone, or you can put it out there in the Universe, and quickly learn there are hundreds of thousands of women struggling right there with you.

So stop worrying about everyone else. Who cares what your friends and family think about your life’s timeline. It is YOUR life, and I am here to remind you, that you are not late. You are very much on time. Put the blinders on sister. People are going to get knocked up before you. Heck, your younger siblings might even pop one out. Remember, this is NOT about them. Celebrate their milestones, and truly believe with all that you are, that your miracle is coming. This is happening because you are strong enough to handle it. Your love, your marriage, it can overcome any obstacle. Think about how much more you are going to love and appreciate your baby and your partner when this is all behind you. This journey is about YOU, your partner, and the beautiful little miracle you WILL create, together! So I give you permission to let go of the reigns, the pressure, the comparisons, and the stigmas of what you should and should not do, and fully accept this journey you’re on.

Sister, I am not walking in the same footsteps, but I am right here, beside you. When everything and everyone creeps in on you, when the ticking clock is the only sound you hear, when you take one step forward and two leaps back, when you feel like giving up, LEAN on me, so we can continue to walk towards greatness.