Ready to POP!

One of my favorite Home Alone lines of all time… “This is it, don’t get scared now!” I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. Towards the end, the nervous energy naturally takes over. Your mind starts to go in circles… What am I doing? I have to take care of a human? Am I capable of that? I think I might have changed 4 diapers in my 30 years of existence, and that’s being generous. Will I ever sleep again? Will I know when it’s time to go to the hospital? Do I have everything I need packed and ready? Endless questions race through my mind at all hours of the night. Why do I still feel so good, when everyone in their mother is telling me towards the end there’s nothing but discomfort and restless nights? For the last 2 weeks, I’ve been speed reading “What to Expect When Expecting” as if that book has all of the answers. I scream sing the Frozen II song ‘Into the Unknown’ and then laugh/cry at myself because I sincerely have the slightest idea of what we are getting ourselves into. But, I’ve also noticed the closer I get to my due date, surprisingly these crazy nerves of mind are subduing, and turning more into excitement. I owe a lot of that to my Mom - who I have now nicknamed the Drill Sargent. She moved down to her place in Ocean City before Christmas, and has been an absolute gem in terms of keeping me not only distracted and busy on maternity leave (which was fun for about two days and then I wanted to rip my hair out because of boredom) but she’s also kept me moving. I don’t get to sit down much, she’s got me up and walking around. I think I’ve clocked more miles in the last five days than I have in the last two years, and it’s been great. It’s been helping to clear my head, get things moving in the right direction (I can actually feel the pressure and cramps getting stronger) and it’s allowed me the opportunity to talk out a lot of my anxieties and fears with a true professional. She’s done this four times, and a lot has changed since she has had kids, but it’s also made me realize, if she was able to give birth and raise a child at 23 years old with not even a quarter of what our world makes us new moms think we need to have now, then I will be just fine. I am beyond prepared, my fur babes are groomed, my house is scrubbed, everything the baby could possibly need or want is neatly put away and ready to go, and so at the end of the day, there’s nothing left to do, but feel excited and ready to meet my son or daughter.

The last couple of weeks leading up to the birth are not only physically challenging for some, but mentally tough as well. Not only are you struggling with your own confidence and internal thoughts of what to expect, but be prepared for the daily text messages and phone calls from friends and family. Everyone is so excited and ready for you to have a baby, and every day someone new is asking if you are still pregnant. As much as I appreciate the daily check ins - it’s been another thing that’s made me a little anxious. Is everything okay? Should I have had the baby by now? I am not due for another day, and I already feel like I am late. Then comes everyone’s theories about what naturally induces labor. I have had sex, eaten spicy food, pineapple, watermelon, milkshakes, cheeseburgers, chocolate chip cookies, dates, eggplant parm, you name it, I’ve done it. The baby is cozy, and has once again shown me that it’s not about what you eat or do. It’s about letting go, and giving your child the best gift ever… Letting him or her decide when their birthday will be.

It’s easier said than done. Especially if you are finished working, and everything is ready to go. Like me, your boredom might turn into you suddenly picturing things that haven’t even happened yet. I am constantly struggling with how I am going to manage all of the visitors. I want nothing more, but to show off our new bundle of joy, but at the same time, I’ve waited so patiently for this time, and went through hell and back to be right here in this moment, and I want to be able to enjoy it with just my husband for a little before I have to pass my kid around like a football (during flu season nonetheless). When I feel myself starting to get worked up, and feel these ‘unforeseen visions’ trying to take over, I remind myself to be present. Right now is what is real. Right now is what I can control. The quickest way to grounding yourself is to come to the realization that nothing/no one else matters. I can plan and picture the perfect scenarios in terms of when I am going to go into labor, how the delivery is going to go, what it will be like when we get home and we are finally a family of three, and all of it will be thrown out the window when the time actually comes. Everything has a way of working itself out the way it is supposed to, when you just keep the faith.

Two years ago I was not strong enough to mentally talk myself off of the ledge and get to that place of peace. I wanted full control every day, always. And so once again I am so incredibly thankful to my future son or daughter for helping me get somewhere I never thought I could or would be. Thank you for THE. BEST. PREGNANCY. EVER. Thank you for giving me this undeniable strength, I never knew I had. Thank you for choosing me to be your Mommy. I cannot wait to figure this whole thing out together. You are already undeniably the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I cannot wait to see you on the side.

To all of the future Mamas out there getting close to showtime: You are amazing. You are doing it right. You are going to be great, and your babe is so lucky to have you.

XO