Almost Showtime!

33 weeks. What? How? Flashback to Michael and I in our usual Calsadis booth holding hands, smiling at one another in disbelief, we are finally pregnant. 4 weeks pregnant. We told each other this was going to be longest pregnancy ever, just because we knew so early on. Wrong. Time is still going faster than I could have ever imagined. Thankfully, I still feel amazing. I am so grateful for this little babe who’s made this pregnancy so easy. Let’s just hope giving birth goes as smoothly!

We had our final ultrasound, and the baby measured 5lbs 6oz. Safe to say, we might actually have an 8-9 pounder on the way. Once again, the technicians and doctors had nothing, but positive news to give us. I nearly cried at the end of the ultrasound, because it was the last time I’m going to see him or her until their birthday! I could have stared at the screen all day. Every little movement had me completely smitten and memorized. We tried to get another 3D or 4D image, but the baby kept blocking his or her face. I took it as a little message… “Mom, you’re just going to have to wait to see what this cute face looks like.” 33 weeks and we still have NO idea what we are having. I am starting to get a lot of girl vibes, which syncs up with my initial dream, so I’ll go with it. People who know me are shocked we have no idea. I’m known for my type-a personality, and I love to plan. The fact that I do not know the sex of my baby is truly blowing peoples minds. I love it though. Nothing about this pregnancy has been planned, so why start now? Honestly, it’s been really refreshing not knowing the gender. I love hearing people guess, I love the theories behind those guesses, and more than anything I love closing my eyes and picturing the moment Michael tells me whether we have a daughter or a son. I already know it’s going to be the best moment of my life, and probably incredibly hard to top there after.

Life has been busy! We finished the nursery, we’re building a playroom, and we have what seems like a million other open ended projects, that we’re scrambling to complete prior to the baby’s arrival. I’m driving Michael nuts with my Honey To Do List, and some days I don’t know how he is managing to not explode! I can’t help myself… I just want everything to be perfect. I am pretty sure I have given a new meaning to “nesting.” I have thrown just about everything away in my house, and made as much room as possible for all of the baby’s stuff. Let me be real, babies come with A LOT of stuff, and I have to watch YouTube videos to truly understand how to work any of it, including opening and closing my stroller.

My baby shower is coming up, and our house looks like a UPS distribution center. This baby is already so spoiled. Every day I come home, there’s a new package waiting for us to open. I am loving putting everything together, washing all of the little onsies, hanging everything up in the baby’s closet, and just spending time in the nursery. It’s all becoming so real. The kicks and fist pumps are getting stronger every day. I even felt the baby’s hiccups the other morning. It’s so much more than I could have ever dreamed of. As excited as I am for this baby’s arrival, I think I am really going to miss him or her being apart of me. I feel like we’ve grown so close these last 33 weeks, and I am having a hard time picturing what’s it going to be like when I can’t feel the baby inside anymore. Will I still feel as bonded when he or she is out in the open for everyone else to dote over and pass around like a football?

Sleeping has been a little rough. Not because of the baby, I’ve just had so much on my mind. The closer we get, the more I anxious I become. People say my ‘motherly instincts’ will kick in, but will they? Does anyone really know what they’re doing? How am I supposed to know when it’s time to go to the hospital? How to push a human being out of my body? What to do with that human when it’s time to take him or her home? Yes, I can read What to Expect When Expecting, or listen to the unsolicited ridiculous advice that comes from people who don’t even have children, but aside from that…there really is no manual for becoming a mother. We’re expected to just know what to do, and that’s terrifying! We’ve met with the pediatrician, made sure all of our shots and the shots of our close family and friends were up to date, and even had the local police station check to make sure we installed the car seat right. I dot the i’s and cross the t’s every chance I get, but I still don’t know if I am sincerely ready. We have mentally and physically prepared for this time for so long, and yet I am still consumed by the what ifs, hows and unknown.

Has it all gone too smoothly? My OB told us 37-42 weeks is showtime. I am potentially 4 weeks away from giving birth, and I have not the slightest idea of what to expect. No story, video, photo, book, or class could possibly prepare me for what we are about to experience.

So before I let insecurities override, now is my time to reach out to all of the amazing Mommies out there. In those moments you find yourself struggling to process what comes next, what do you do? Where does you strength come from?

I am learning that worry never fades. You worry about getting pregnant, staying pregnant, and being the perfect mother. Then you have a child, and in comes a brand new set of worries.

Because Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and I am beyond grateful to be in this stage of worrisome, I wanted to make sure I also shared the following with my TTC Mommies out there… Words of encouragement that I too have to be reminded of:

Sometimes you gotta stop worrying, wondering and doubting, and just have faith that things will work out. Maybe it’s not how you planned, but how they were always meant to be. Worry and hope are every day choices. As hard as it can be some days, always choose hope. It allows us to see what is right there in front of us, and what is still to come. What is meant for you, will not pass you by, and the pain, or the concerns you are feeling, cannot and will not compare to the joy that is coming.

Thank you all for allowing me to share my journey with you.

I can only hope you feel nothing but inspired to believe it’s not if, but when.

Blessings & Baby Dust to you all.

XO